


A Bucket of Hope

by EvensDramaticShenanigans



Series: Spierfeld Week [3]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Apologies, Canon Compliant, Canon Filler, Fix-It, Flirting, Gen, Pre-Slash, Spierfeld Week, i have a lot of feelings about this, though its line literally one line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 14:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14287209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvensDramaticShenanigans/pseuds/EvensDramaticShenanigans
Summary: Since the Tumblr post and the rough aftermath of it all, the atmosphere at play practice has been pretty tense. Between the fact that Simon’s avoiding Martin at all costs and the fact that Abby is avoidinghimat all costs, well, it really isn’t a surprise that it’s like that. In fact, it’s been so tense that Simon’s kind of surprised that the show tonight went as well as it did. He definitely expected there to be at least one screw up of some sort. That must be the magic of acting, he supposes; the fact that a person can completely disregard their entire identity and everything that’s going on in their life to step into the shoes of someone else. It’s nice though, being able to do that. Simon almost wishes that he could stay his character for a little while longer.Unfortunately, the curtain must be drawn, and the show must come to an end.Or, the one in which Simon gets the apologies he deserves





	A Bucket of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Hii hiii. Spierfeld week day three is upon us! This is one of the first ones I came up with an idea for, and I've been wanting to write this ever since I saw the movie the first time!  
> This kind of didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted it to, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because I set ridiculously high standards for myself with this one. I just have a lot of Feelings about Simon’s friends not apologizing in the movie and I wanted to do my best to fix that and make it as perfect as I could.
> 
> The title comes from the song [Good Friend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pqYb2jrcWw) by JP Cooper. I love this song and I thought it was pretty fitting given the content of the fic.
> 
> Hope you guys like it!

As the final notes of the last song come to a close, the entire audience erupts into deafening applause, hoots and whistles and cheers echoing in Simon’s ears and filling him with a certain sense of pride. He peers around the audience and easily spots his mom, dad, and sister— all of whom look insanely proud with their huge smiles and eager clapping. A few rows away, Simon sees Nick and Leah, who are also cheering wildly— though unlike his family, he knows their applause is for Abby, not him. Next to Nick, Bram and Garrett are there and they’re clapping too, but their heads are bent together and they look like they're whispering about something. The joy that usually accompanies finishing a performance and seeing his family and friends in the crowd falters at this. As does the smile on Simon’s face. 

In the weeks leading up to the performances— before Martin Addison came into the picture and fucked everything up— Simon had been so excited for his friends to see him and Abby perform. He and Abby had talked the show up at lunch countless times and had even promised to reserve the best seats in the house for their friends. 

Simon’s role in the show isn’t a big one, like Abby’s is, but he still has a part in it, and the excitement that comes with learning and rehearsing dance numbers and song lyrics and stage directions is still very real. That is, it had been very real until his world came crashing down because of one fucking asshole.

Since the Tumblr post and the rough aftermath of it all, the atmosphere at play practice has been pretty tense. Between the fact that Simon’s avoiding Martin at all costs and the fact that Abby is avoiding  _ him _ at all costs, well, it really isn’t a surprise that it’s like that. In fact, it’s been so tense that Simon’s kind of surprised that the show tonight went as well as it did. He definitely expected there to be at least one screw up of some sort. That must be the magic of acting, he supposes; the fact that a person can completely disregard their entire identity and everything that’s going on in their life to step into the shoes of someone else. It’s nice though, being able to do that. Simon almost wishes that he could stay his character for a little while longer. 

Unfortunately, the curtain must be drawn, and the show must come to an end. 

The second the curtain falls, Simon’s face drops. The smile he’d been wearing for show melts off of his face completely, and he suddenly feels like his entire body is filled with lead. He lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his slicked back hair as best as he can before he starts making his way backstage. 

Once he changes out of his costume and back into his street clothes, Simon slumps into the chair in front of the mirror and pulls out a wipe to start cleaning the eyeliner and whatever other makeup he let Taylor Metternich slather onto his face off.

Simon catches a trace of movement coming from the side door, and he watches through the mirror as Nick and Leah walk into the room. Nick has a bouquet of flowers in his hand and he’s trying to hide it behind his back, but it’s not really working since it’s so damn huge. 

When Abby spots the two of them she lets out an excited cheer and shoves the hanger she’s holding onto the rack before rushing towards them. Leah catches her in a hug— Simon didn’t even know they were close enough that they hugged— and immediately starts gushing about how amazing Abby was in the performance. The smile on Abby’s face is blinding and Simon feels something pull at his heart. 

He only looks away for a few seconds before his attention is pulled back towards them when Nick presents the flowers to Abby and she squeals happily before throwing her arms around his neck and tugging him into a hug too.

It hurts, seeing his friends gathered together like that without him. It’s almost like he doesn’t exist to them anymore. And well, maybe he doesn’t. Their message had been made quite clear the day they’d confronted him about the Tumblr post and the lying Simon had done to protect his secret. Simon knows that lying to them wasn’t a great thing to do, and he really doesn’t blame them for being upset with him about that. But he certainly hadn’t expected them to basically abandon him after that. He kind of figured things would be tense for a few days and then everything would go back to normal— or as normal as it could be. That hadn’t been the case at all. 

First, there was his family. They hadn’t rejected him or anything, but coming out to them hadn’t gone as great as he had hoped it would. And then there was Blue leaving. The one person he had on his side to confide in, just gone. To make matters worse, the next best people he could turn to about it all, his best friends, abandoned him.

Simon can say with one hundred percent confidence that he’s never felt this shitty in his life before. 

Simon doesn’t realize that he’s been staring until Leah catches his eye. He quickly tears his gaze away from them and shifts in his chair so he’s facing the mirror again, but he doesn’t miss the way that Leah turns to Nick and Abby and whispers something. 

Clearing his throat quietly and blinking away any potential wetness that has gathered in his eyes, Simon sets the used wipe down and busies himself with straightening up the things on the countertop.

“Hey, Simon, can we maybe talk to you for a minute?” 

It’s Nick’s voice that pulls Simon out of his thoughts, and he looks up from his lap where he’s twisting his fingers together. Nick is standing there, as expected, with Leah and Abby flanking him on either side. Leah looks nervous. Her brows are pulled together, almost painfully, as she looks at Simon. Abby looks more guilt-ridden than anything, the post-performance high seemingly gone. 

“Oh,” Simon starts, glancing between the three of them before continuing. “Uh, yeah, sure. What’s up?” He asks, trying to keep his voice steady and tone neutral.

“Well, we, um, we want to apologize,” Nick explains, folding his hands together in front of him.

Simon can’t help the way his eyebrows shoot up, and he’s completely unable to hide the surprise in his voice. “Oh?”

Leah nods. “Yeah. We all owe you a really big apology, Simon. We overreacted, big time, and you tried to explain yourself to us but we didn’t really listen or give you the opportunity to.”

“And we didn’t try to see things from your point of view or try to understand what you were going through,” Abby adds, rubbing her palms down her arms nervously as she speaks. 

Simon opens his mouth to reply— though he’s not even sure what to say— but Abby holds up a hand. 

“Coming out is a big thing, Si. It’s a scary thing too, I’m sure. And I’m  _ so  _ sorry that I didn’t understand that before,” Abby says. Her face screw up as though what she’s about to say disgusts her. For a second, Simon is scared. “What Martin did to you was absolutely horrible,” she continues, and Simon quietly lets out the breath he’s holding. “I feel like such a shitty person for getting so angry at you. I should have been angry with Martin— I  _ am _ angry with Martin. He’s the reason that you lied to us and tried to keep us apart. What you did was shitty, Simon, but you had a very good reason for doing it, and I’m sorry that I didn’t realize that earlier.”

At this point, Abby is crying. It’s not full out bawling or anything, but there are streams of tears running down her cheeks and she’s sniffling every other word. As soon as she finishes talking she wipes at her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Simon,” Nick pipes up next. He has this sincere look in his eyes and he looks so upset with himself. It makes Simon feel a little bit better. “Like Abby said, I’m not happy that you lied to us, but you did what you had to do to keep your secret. You were put in a really shitty position,” he says, “and… thinking over it now, I probably would have done the same thing. So I really can’t be mad at you for that. Not to mention, me and Abby got together anyways so… I guess it doesn’t really matter that you tried to keep us apart in the long run.”

Just hearing Abby and Nick apologize and own up to their behavior has Simon’s heart feeling so much lighter than it has in weeks. He sends a soft smile towards Nick and Abby, who return the expression immediately. 

“And I’m really sorry too, Si,” Leah chimes in, reaching out to grab one of Simon’s hands. “I shouldn’t have gotten so upset that you told Abby first. Coming out is your thing and you get to do it however you want. You had that whole thing ripped from you so the least I could have done is respect that you got to come out on your own terms at least once. And… you didn’t set me up to get heartbroken by going on a date with Nick,” she laughs softly and shakes her head. “That was such a ridiculous thing for me to say. You… you can be pretty oblivious sometimes, Si,” she teases, squeezing his hand lightly. Simon squeezes back, chuckling a little himself. “You couldn’t have known that I was in love with you, not Nick.”

Leah drops his hand and instead slides her arm around his waist, pulling him in for a hug. It takes Simon by surprise, but he wraps his arms around her shoulders and hugs back.

“You’re our best friend, Si, and we just ditched you. Because we were upset over what? Over such small, insignificant things. We weren’t there for you when you needed us most, and we’re so sorry for that,” Leah adds.

It’s not long before Abby is joining in on the hug, wrapping her arms around Simon and Leah. And then Nick squeezes into the hug too, and Simon suddenly feels overwhelmed with love for his friends.

Prior to this moment, Simon genuinely believed that he had lost his friends forever. He thought that he’d driven them all away completely and that they’d never be able to repair things. But now, as he stands there with his friends holding onto him like they never want to let him go again, all of them close to or already in tears, Simon feels whole again— or, as whole as he can be with a Blue shaped hole in his heart.

“Thank you guys,” Simon says into Leah’s hair. “I… it means a lot, that you guys are apologizing.” He nods his head and clears his throat, trying to stave off the tears. He’s done so well not to cry so far. “I’m really sorry for lying to you guys. I didn’t want to hurt any of you, I just… I wasn’t ready yet. And I had to do everything I could to make sure Martin didn’t tell anyone.” Simon sighs. “That obviously didn’t work and I almost lost the best people in my life because of that.”

“You’ve already apologized, Si. We’re the ones that need to be doing that here,” Leah reminds, playfully pinching Simon’s side.

“We love you, Simon, and we’re not going to let something like that get in the way again,” Abby reassures.

When they finally pull apart, Simon glances around all of his friends, and he can’t stop his lips from spreading into a smile.

“Hey, Si,” Abby says suddenly, her eyes twinkling with excitement. “Do you want to come to the carnival with us tonight?” 

Simon’s smile grows, and it feels big enough to split his face. “Yes,” he says, nodding right away.

“Yeah?” Abby repeats excitedly. 

“Yeah, I’d love that,” he agrees.

“What are we waiting for?” Nick questions, lifting his eyebrows and holding his arms out.

“Ooh, and you’ve got to tell us about the whole ferris wheel thing you have planned, Si!” Leah adds, nudging Simon in the ribs as they start making their way towards the door.

Simon feels himself start to blush and he ducks his head a little bit. “Right,” he says slowly, chuckling quietly. Then he launches into a condensed explanation of everything that’s happened with Blue— starting with that very first post Blue made to the Tumblr that caught his attention all the way up to the way Blue decided to stop emailing Simon.

He’s in the middle of explaining his most recent post to the Tumblr, the one telling Blue that he’ll wait for him on the ferris wheel if he wants to show up, when they run into Garrett and Bram.

“Hey!” Garrett calls excitedly, waving them over. “Simon, Abby! You guys were great up there!” He praises, reaching out to clap his hand against Simon’s and give Abby a fist bump. 

“Thanks Garrett,” Abby replies brightly, and Simon nods at him in gratitude. 

“You were great up there, Simon,” Bram chimes in, and the smile he gives Simon is just the softest, sweetest thing Simon has ever seen. It makes him want to melt a little bit.

“Oh, thanks, Bram,” Simon replies, sending him a small smile in response.

“I, uh, I liked your eyeliner up there too,” Bram adds, and there’s a faint pink hue to his cheeks that makes Simon’s heart skip a beat. 

His own cheeks heat up at the compliment and he ducks his head a bit. “Thank you. I kind of liked it too,” he chuckles. “Maybe I’ll even wear it around school sometime,” he jokes.

Bram laughs, and there’s something in his expression that tells Simon that he absolutely wouldn’t mind it if he did, in fact, wear the eyeliner to school sometime. 

“Oh, hey, are you guys going to the carnival?” Garrett suddenly asks, looking between Simon and his friends questioningly.

Leah grins at him and nods before sending Simon a sly look. “We are,” she confirms. “Actually, we should probably get going so we can head over there now. We don’t want them to run out of tickets.”

“Maybe I’ll see you there then?” Bram asks Simon, a hopeful smile on his lips. It makes something stir up in Simon’s stomach.

Simon nods and his lips curve into his own private little smile. “I hope so.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you thought with a kudos or a comment! 
> 
>  
> 
> Come say [hi](http://evensdramaticshenanigans.tumblr.com/)! :)


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